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WAS IT A NICE LUNCH?
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME TAKE SOME OF YOUR TIME THIS AFTERNOON.
THIS IS QUITE A ROBUST CROWD, UM, AND I'M VERY IMPRESSED.
I WAS TALKING WITH ANNE BEFORE AND IT SEEMS LIKE THIS IS A VERY VIBRANT COMMUNITY, SO I'M REALLY, REALLY IMPRESSED.
UM, SO TODAY WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT CLUTTER AND WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
UM, ANNE WROTE THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN WITH CLUTTER,
I I DIDN'T BRING MY MAGIC WAND WITH ME TODAY.
SO WE'RE GONNA TRY TO MAKE IT A LITTLE, BE THOUGHTFULLY CURIOUS ABOUT IT AND TO COME UP WITH SOME, SOME WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT.
SO, I WANTED TO ASK, I LIKE TO BE INTERACTIVE.
DOES ANYBODY WANNA SHARE WHAT INTERESTED THEM ABOUT THIS TOPIC TODAY? YES.
SO MY HUSBAND AND I ARE, WE DON'T USE THAT WORD.
SO, AND WE NEED TO GET OUR HOUSE SO WE CAN ENJOY LIVING THERE.
WELL, I'M A LICENSED CLINICAL SOCIAL WORKER FOR LIKE, UMPTEEN YEARS.
I WON'T EVEN MENTION HOW MANY DECADES.
AND I HAVE A BACKGROUND IN HEALTHCARE, SOCIAL WORK, REHAB, UM, SOCIAL WORK.
AND FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS, I'VE BEEN A GERIATRIC CARE MANAGER, WORKING WITH PEOPLE AT HOME, HELPING THEM STAY SAFE AND HAVE THE SERVICES THEY WANT AT HOME.
AND I ALSO, BECAUSE OF EVERYBODY THAT I WOULD MEET AND SEE FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS NOW, I'VE ALSO BEEN THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE HOARDING DISORDER RESOURCE AND TRAINING GROUP, WHICH IS A, A WAY OF SAYING, IT'S MY BUSINESS, IT'S ME, THERE'S NO GROUP.
BUT, UM, IT DOES GARNER A LOT OF INTEREST.
I'VE TRAINED WITH, UM, RAN DR. RANDY FROST AND DR.
GALE, TY, THE KEY CLINICIANS AND RESEARCHERS WHO WERE REALLY ABLE TO, TO DIVE IN AND DELVE INTO THE ISSUES OF HAVING CLUTTERED HOMES ON DIFFERENT LEVELS.
SO WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN WORKING WITH MY CLIENTS, AND THERE'S ALL DIFFERENT LEVELS OF, OF CLUTTER.
I'VE MOST RECENTLY BEEN WORKING WITH CLIENTS WHO WANT TO MAKE A CHANGE, WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THEIR HOME, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.
UM, AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING THEY'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO.
SO I THOUGHT TODAY WE WOULD JUST SORT OF START ON THAT LEVEL AND WORK OUR WAY UP, UM, AND, UM, SEE WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE.
BUT I'M VERY INTERACTIVE, SO ANYBODY WHO HAS A QUESTION OR WANTS TO INSERT SOME INFORMATION, JUST RAISE YOUR HAND, SPEAK RIGHT UP, WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO.
SO FIRST DECLUTTERING IS NOT THE SAME AS ORGANIZING.
HAVE PEOPLE HEARD OF PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZERS? THEY'RE VERY GOOD.
THEY HELP, THEY'RE, THEY'RE EXPERTS AT SETTING UP SYSTEMS. THE PROBLEM THOUGH, WITH PEOPLE WHO DO HAVE CLUTTER IS THAT IT'S CLUTTERED BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T COME UP WITH SYSTEMS THAT WORKED FOR THEM IN THE, IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO SOMETIMES ORGANIZING IS NOT WHERE YOU WANNA START.
UM, AND THEN DECLUTTERING IS NOT THE SAME THING AS CLEANING.
'CAUSE ANY OF YOU WHO WOULD LIKE TO BRING IN SOME CLEANING ASSISTANCE, HAVING MER MAIDS OR SOMEBODY COME IN, YOU, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T REALLY, YOU GOTTA, YOU'VE GOTTA STRAIGHTEN THE HOUSE BEFORE THEY COME IN TO CLEAN, AND THEN YOU CAN'T STRAIGHTEN THE HOUSE, SO THEY DON'T COME IN TO CLEAN.
AND IT'S KIND OF A VICIOUS CYCLE.
RIGHT? SO THE REASONS TO DECLUTTER CAN BE AS INDIVIDUALIZED AS, AS EACH OF YOU AND I WROTE DOWN SOME OPTIONS, BUT, YOU KNOW, CONSIDERATIONS.
BUT I'D LIKE YOU TO THINK, AND IF YOU WANT JUST PRIVATELY WRITE DOWN WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.
I MEAN, I THINK YOU SHARED THAT, UM, YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO USE YOUR SPACE AGAIN, HAVE THE FREEDOM.
UM, BUT I OFTEN HEAR I CAN'T FIND THINGS.
I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY I USED TO.
I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH MY DAILY ACTIVITIES AND MY CHORES.
IT'S DIFFICULT TO MOVE SAFELY AROUND MY HOME.
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I HAVE MEDICAL OR PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS.I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO MOVE.
I DON'T WANT OTHERS CRITICIZING MY SPACE TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T WANNA INVITE ANYBODY OVER.
AND I DON'T WANT ANYBO, I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF MY STUFF ONCE I'M GONE AND FROM LIKE AGES 55, 60 UP, START TO THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT WE TOOK PRIDE IN AND COLLECTED, BUT THEN EVERYTHING ELSE THAT SORT OF ACCUMULATED OVER THE YEARS.
AND, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY? I MEAN, RIGHT NOW, IF THERE'S NO CHRONIC ILLNESS OR TERMINAL ILLNESS, WE HOPE TO LIVE A, YOU KNOW, A GOOD LONG FIT FOR LIFE.
BUT THEY, THEY SUGGEST THAT WE START TO PARE DOWN AND START TO LOOK AT WHAT WE HAVE NOT TO BECOME MINIMALISTS.
I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER LIVE WITH TWO SHIRTS, TWO PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR AND A PAIR OF PANTS, BUT TO LIVE TO THE POINT WHERE WE HAVE WHAT WE NEED TO USE AND LOOK TO, TO PARE DOWN THE THINGS THAT HAVE, HAVE BUILT UP AROUND US.
HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER HEARD OF THE BOOK, THE GENTLE ART, THE, THE GENTLE ART OF DEATH CLEANING? IT'S, IT'S A SWEDISH PHILOSOPHY WHERE THEY SAY, THEY BASICALLY SAY YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO DO, UM, MAINSTREAM DECLUTTERING.
AND THE GOAL IS TO INCREASE QUALITY OF LIFE AND TO NOT HAVE TO, UM, LEAVE THE CLUTTER FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO HAVE BE BURDENED WITH.
SO SOMETIMES YOU KNOW IT, THAT, THAT WORKS OR ELSE IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL SAD, IT'S NOT THE BEST WAY TO BE MOTIVATED.
SO WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON, YOUR MOTIVATION, OR YOUR NEED TO DECLUTTER? HAVE ANYBODY TRIED DEC SERIOUSLY DECLUTTERING IN THE PAST? HOW, HOW FAR DID YOU GET? WERE YOU, DID YOU MEET YOUR GOALS? WERE YOU SUCCESSFUL? NO, AND I DON'T, AND SUCCESS IS SUBJECTIVE TOO, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, DEPENDING ON YOUR SPACE OR WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT, SOMETIMES SUCCESS MIGHT BE THAT ONE JUNK DRAWER IN THE KITCHEN, OR IT COULD BE YOUR, YOUR CLOSET, OR IT COULD BE THE BEDROOM, OR IT COULD EXPAND INTO THE, THE SOCIAL QUARTERS OF THE ROOM.
SO, AND AGAIN, BEING ABLE TO WORK ON THINGS, MOST PEOPLE I RUN INTO SAY, I DON'T WANT SOMEBODY ELSE TO COME INTO MY HOME.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE KNOW THAT THESE SERVICES AREN'T COVERED BY INSURANCES OR SUB SUBSIDIZED.
THE ONLY TIME IT WAS
AND FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS, WE HAD THE FUNDING AND THE RESOURCES TO BRING IN, UH, A COUNSELOR, TO BRING IN A MOVE MANAGER TO BRING IN DEEP CLEANING, TO BRING IN DE INFESTATION, TO BE ABLE TO REALLY HAVE PEOPLE, UM, BE ABLE TO CART THINGS AWAY WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK AT EVERY TIME YOU'RE DOING THIS, WHAT IT'S GONNA COST YOU.
SO THESE ARE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY, OH, YOU KNOW, I'D RATHER DO IT MYSELF.
YOU, YOU WEIGH WHAT YOU CAN DO, WHAT YOU'RE ABLE TO DO, AND ALSO YOUR TIME AND, AND WHAT'S MEANINGFUL TO YOU.
BECAUSE THE GOAL OF ALL OF THIS IS YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE.
YOU DON'T WANNA SPEND YOUR TIME EVERY TIME YOU WALK INTO YOUR HOME SAYING, UH, TODAY I'VE GOTTA TACKLE THIS, OR I'VE GOTTA TACKLE THAT.
UM, YOU KNOW, YOU'D RATHER JUST COME IN AND, AND DO RELAX AND DO WHATEVER YOU ENJOY DOING IN YOUR HOME.
OTHER THINGS THAT CAN HOLD PEOPLE BACK FROM DECLUTTERING IS THE RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE WITH OUR THINGS.
AND OFTENTIMES WHEN WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THINGS LIKE PERSONAL TRAUMAS, WHICH COULD BE A DEATH, YOU KNOW, IF, IF WE'RE WIDOWED OR A WIDOW, UM, IF WE LOST SOMEBODY IN, YOU KNOW, IN, IN A VERY TRAUMATIC WAY, OR WE WERE, WE HAD BURGLARY OR SOMETHING THAT MADE US FEEL UNSAFE.
SOMETIMES HAVING THINGS AROUND US OR PURCHASING THINGS HELP FEEL LIKE A, LIKE A WARM HUG THAT HAVING THINGS THAT MAKE US TEMPORARILY SMILE OR MAKE US THINK THAT IF I BUY THAT SHIRT THAT KIM KARDASHIAN WAS WEARING, I WOULD LOOK LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN.
YOU KNOW, WE DO THESE THINGS TO BE ABLE TO SAY, YOU KNOW, I'M, I'M DOING SOMETHING FOR ME.
BUT SOMETIMES WHEN WE'VE HAD TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES OR WE
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HAVE, UM, CHALLENGES WITH OUR MOOD, LIKE DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY, OUR MOTIVATION IS, IS LIMITED.AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR THINGS MAY BE STRONG, MAY BE MORE EMOTIONAL THAN JUST THE FACT OF OWNERSHIP.
SO I'M GOING TO ALSO MENTION THAT A LOT OF THE, THE ISSUES IN TERMS OF BEING ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD WITH DECLUTTERING MIGHT BE ACTUALLY IN OUR BRAINS SOMETHING.
SO, UM, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I TELL MY, UM, PARTICIPANTS IS THAT I DON'T THINK I NEED IT.
WHEN THERE IS A DEATH IN THE FAMILY, IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO GET RID OF THEIR PERSONAL THINGS MM-HMM
AND SO I HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THAT, UM, THAT, UH, SOME PEOPLE WANT TO MOVE ON FAST, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO A LOSS AND THEIR BELONGINGS, YOU KNOW MM-HMM
NOW, THE POINT IS, HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE? MM-HMM
AND I THINK THE KEY POINT OF THAT IS ALWAYS MAKING SURE THAT THE KEY PERSON IN THAT SITUATION HAS A VOICE.
BECAUSE A LOT OF TIMES THANK YOU.
IT COMES DOWN TO THE FAMILY SYSTEM.
I WAS WIDOWED EIGHT YEARS NOW, AND I, WE LIVED IN A VERY LARGE HOUSE IN YONKERS, AND I WAS WIDOWED SUDDENLY, AND THEN SUDDENLY FACED WITH THIS HOUSE THAT I COULD NOT SUPPORT MYSELF.
AND, UM, IT WAS ALSO A HOUSE THAT MY HUSBAND HAD LIVED IN FOR MANY YEARS BEFORE I GOT THERE.
SO I HAD NO IDEA OF EVERYTHING THAT WAS SQUIRRELED AWAY IN THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES, AND THE FACT THAT MY TWO STEPDAUGHTERS WERE USING THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES AS THEIR STORAGE SYSTEMS, BECAUSE WHEN THEY LEFT HOME, THEY LEFT THREE QUARTERS OF THEIR MEMORIES AND THEIR STUFF HERE SO THEY COULD MOVE ON TO THEIR ADULT LIVES.
SO THE DIFFICULTY IN, IN HAVING TO BE FORCED TO MAKE A MOVE IS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE FACED WITH, A LOT OF TIMES WHEN PEOPLE HAVE GONE THROUGH A LOSS, THEY SAY, TAKE YOUR TIME.
DON'T MAKE ANY BIG DECISIONS WITHIN THE FIRST YEAR, BUT YOU REALLY HAVE TO LOOK AT SITUATIONS.
I WAS ABLE TO, WITH SUPPORT, DO WHAT I HAD TO DO, BUT MANY TIMES I'VE WORKED WITH MY CLIENTS WHO HAVE SAID, YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY AND MY KIDS ARE SUDDENLY SWEEPING IN AND TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.
THEY'RE TELLING ME I SHOULD GO LIVE IN THAT BRAND NEW ASSISTED LIVING, THAT INDEPENDENT LIVING DOWN THE STREET.
THEY WILL HELP PACK UP MY PLACE.
THEY, THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN IN CONTACT WITH A REALTOR, AND THEY, THEY'VE GOT THE MEASUREMENTS FOR THE APARTMENTS, SO THEY'LL HELP PICK OUT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA TAKE.
SO AGAIN, A LOT OF MY WORK IS MAKING SURE THERE'S FAMILY COMMUNICATION, THAT PEOPLE DON'T SUDDENLY STEAMROLL OVER OTHER PEOPLE AND THAT PEOPLE HAVE A VOICE.
BUT THE REALITY IS, IS THAT SOMETIMES THERE DOES HAVE TO BE MOVEMENT.
AND IT'S IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND BOTH THE PERSON WHO'S TRYING TO STRUGGLE WITH IT AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPORTING THEM, WHY IT MAY BE PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT.
SO LET'S SAY YOU'RE AT A POINT IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU ARE READY TO START TO CONSIDER DOWNSIZING, DECLUTTERING.
MAYBE YOU WANNA MOVE TO FLORIDA IN TWO YEARS, MAYBE YOUR KIDS ARE HOPING YOU'LL GO OUT TO MONTANA WITH THEM, BUT YOU LOOK AROUND YOUR HOUSE AND YOU SAY, IT'S GONNA TAKE ME AT LEAST FIVE YEARS TO EVEN, YOU KNOW, LOOK AND SEE WHAT'S HERE.
YOU WANNA MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES, AND THAT THE THINGS IN YOUR HOME AREN'T ACTUALLY THE, THE REAL, THE OWNERS OF THE HOME.
YOU OWN THE HOME, THEY COMPLIMENT YOU IN THE HOME.
IF YOU STARTED TO FEEL LIKE YOU ONLY HAVE CERTAIN PLACES TO SIT, OR THERE'S PARTS OF YOUR HOUSE THAT YOU CAN'T FUNCTIONALLY USE ANYMORE.
THERE'S BEEN A, A SHIFT IN THE POWER DIFFERENTIAL THAT THE THINGS HAVE SORT OF TAKEN OVER YOUR SPACE AND AREN'T LETTING YOU FUNCTION AND BREATHE THE WAY YOU WANT.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE READY TO SAY, OKAY, TODAY'S THE DAY I'M GONNA START TO DECLUTTER,
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AND THEN YOU SIT AND YOU WATCH TV OR YOU CHECK YOUR EMAILS, OR YOU DO THAT CROSSWORD PUZZLE AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU JUST CAN'T FACE IT.A LOT OF TIMES IT'S HOW OUR BRAINS FUNCTION.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL.
WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WHAT'S CALLED EXECUTIVE FUNCTION IN OUR PREFRONTAL CORTEX RIGHT HERE.
AND SOME OF US ARE BETTER ABLE TO PLUG AWAY AND BE REGIMENTED AND DO THINGS.
BUT I WOULD SAY PREDOMINANTLY A GREATER PORTION OF PEOPLE HAVE CHALLENGES IN CERTAIN AREAS.
SO THAT'S NOT NORMAL OR ABNORMAL, IT'S JUST WHO WE ARE.
AND THE KEY THING IS BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FUNCTION TO BE ABLE TO ADAPT THE WAY THAT YOU HANDLE THINGS.
EVERYTHING'S POSSIBLE, BUT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF.
SO EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING ARE THE TASKS THAT WE USE IN OUR DAILY LIVES, IN OUR WORK, IN, IN DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
AND IT'S SORT OF LIKE HOW WE SELF MONITOR OURSELVES, UM, HOW WE PLAN AND ORGANIZE THINGS.
OUR WORKING MEMORY OF HOW THINGS ARE GOING.
IF, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE ABLE TO SIT THERE AND SAY, OKAY, TODAY I GOT UP AT SEVEN 30, I WENT FOR MY WALK, I STOPPED OVER AND, AND GOT SOME GROCERIES.
I CAME TO THE CENTER FOR YOGA AND LUNCH, AND NOW I'M SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THIS.
AND IF YOU, AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO AFTERWARDS, YOU'VE GOT A GOOD IMPRINT OF WHAT YOUR, YOUR WORKING MEMORY IS.
I DON'T HAVE A SET ROUTINE EVERY DAY.
IF YOU ASK ME WHAT I'M DOING TOMORROW, I SORT OF HAVE TO EXCUSE MYSELF AND LOOK AT MY OLD FASHIONED PAPER, UM, AGENDA BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE USING GOOGLE CALENDARS.
I'M SCARED IF I LOSE MY PHONE, I'LL LOSE MY LIFE.
BUT LITERALLY, I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HAVE THINGS WRITTEN DOWN THAT I CAN VISUALLY SEE SO THAT I KNOW WHEN MY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS ARE, WHEN MY APPOINTMENTS ARE AND WHAT I'M DOING.
SO, SIGNS OF WHEN WE'RE CHALLENGED WITH OUR EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING COULD BE IF WE HAVE TROUBLE ORGANIZING DOCUMENTS OR, OR BELONGINGS LOSING FOCUS QUICKLY WHEN WORKING ON BORING TASKS, HAVING MANY DISTRACTING AND UNRELATED THOUGHTS, AVOIDING TASKS THAT REQUIRE SOMEONE TO STAY FOCUSED, GETTING DISTRACTED IN CONVERSATIONS, STRUGGLING WITH TIME MANAGEMENT, FORGETTING TO DO AN ERRAND OR TASK OVERLOOKING IMPORTANT DETAILS, MAKING CARELESS MISTAKES OR MISPLACING IMPORTANT ITEMS. IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO HAS NEVER HAD ANY OF THOSE HAPPEN AT LEAST ONCE? OR I WOULD CALL YOU UP AND LET YOU FINISH
'CAUSE WE'RE HUMAN AND WHEN WE'RE STRESSED OR ANXIOUS, THE MORE LIKELIHOOD IS THAT WE'RE GONNA GET PULLED OFF OF OUR, OUR FOCUS.
OKAY? SO SOMETIMES THESE KIND OF CHALLENGES IN EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING ARE A BIT RELATED TO WHAT PEOPLE CALL ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER.
NOW, I'M NOT TRYING TO TALK ANYBODY INTO FEELING LIKE THEY'RE BEING DIAGNOSED OR LABELED.
AND WITH, WITH US AS WE GET OLDER, THE HYPERACTIVITY REALLY DOESN'T EVEN, UM, COME INTO PLAY.
BUT ATTENTION DEFICIT IS ALMOST A MISNOMER FOR ALL OF THIS, BECAUSE IF ANYTHING, WE TEND TO HAVE TOO MUCH ATTENTION ON THINGS.
WE TEND TO FOCUS IN ON TOO MANY DETAILS, AND IT'S HARD TO KEEP THAT STRAIGHT COURSE TO FINISHING ONE TASK BEFORE GOING ON TO OTHERS.
UM, AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WHEN WE'VE GOT SO MUCH THAT WE WANNA PAY ATTENTION TO IS THAT WE RUN INTO DECISION FATIGUE.
SO LET'S SAY YOU'RE, YOU'VE, YOU'RE SITTING IN FRONT OF YOUR CLOSET AND YOU'VE PULLED EVERYTHING OUT AND PUT IT ON YOUR BED, LIKE A LOT OF THOSE YOUTUBE VIDEOS SAY TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AND SEE WHAT YOU HAVE.
BUT THE CONSTANT NEED TO MAKE CHOICES CAN DE DEPLETE OUR COGNITIVE RESOURCES, MAKING SUBSEQUENT CHOICES INCREASINGLY CHALLENGING.
SO IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH YOUR
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CLOSET AND YOU'RE SAYING, OKAY, THAT CAN GO, THAT HAS A RUN THAT'S NOT IN STYLE ANYMORE, THAT WON'T FIT ME.THOSE MIGHT BE SOME OF THE EASY ONES.
BUT THEN YOU GET TO THAT SEQUIN DRESS THAT YOU WORE TO BECKY'S WEDDING FIVE YEARS AGO, AND IT CARRIES MEMORIES WITH YOU AND YOU SAY, YOU KNOW, IT WAS SUCH A CHORE TO BUY A FANCY DRESS.
MAYBE I SHOULD HOLD ONTO IT AGAIN IN CASE I GET INVITED TO ANOTHER WEDDING OR EVENT.
AND IS THERE A LIKELIHOOD THAT AFTER FIVE YEARS IT'S GONNA FIT YOU, YOU'RE GONNA WEAR IT, OR YOU'RE GONNA FIND THAT YOU'RE GOING TO AN EVENT WITH THE SAME PEOPLE WHO WERE AT BECKY'S WEDDING.
SO YOU'LL SAY, OH, THEY'VE ALREADY SEEN ME WITH THIS.
SO WHEN THERE'S EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS TO THINGS AND THE DECISIONS START TO GET HARDER, IT PULLS US OFF OUR TASK, AND WE GET TO, WE GET STALLED ON THAT DRESS.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'VE WANDERED INTO THE KITCHEN TO MAKE A FRESH CUP OF TEA OR COFFEE, AND YOU'RE OFF TO A PHONE CALL OR CHECKING YOUR EMAILS OR DOING SOMETHING ELSE, AND YOUR CLOSET IS HALF ALL OVER YOUR BED, BUT YOU'RE TOO POOPED, YOU'RE FATIGUED, YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.
BUT THEN THERE'S ALSO TIME BLINDNESS, AND I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HAS EVER RUN INTO YOU, YOU'VE RUN INTO THIS WHERE YOU THINK, YOU SAY, I'M GONNA SIT HERE AND CHECK MY EMAILS AND PLAY, UM, PLAY SOLITAIRE ON MY PHONE FOR 15 MINUTES, AND THEN I'M GONNA GET UP AND GO FOR MY WALK.
BUT THEN THE NEXT TIME YOU LOOK AT YOUR CLOCK, YOU SAY, HOLY MOLY, I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO HOURS.
I GOT IMMERSED IN, IN IN SOLITAIRE.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, A FULL TWO HOURS OF YOUR DAY ARE GONE.
SO SOMETIMES NOT HAVING THAT AWARENESS OF THE TIME CAN REALLY CHALLENGE US ON KEEPING ON A TASK.
BUT THEN THERE'S ALSO THE REVERSE.
THERE CAN BE, WHEN YOU ANTICIPATE SOMETHING'S GOING TO TAKE MUCH LONGER THAN IT REALLY DOES.
SO IF YOU SET THE TASK AND SAY, OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA GO THROUGH MY SOCK DRAWER, NOTHING MORE, JUST A SOCK DRAWER, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF AN HOUR TO DO IT.
BUT THERE WEREN'T A LOT OF EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS TO YOUR SOCKS AND YOU ACTUALLY MADE IT THROUGH IN 15.
SO IT'S, IT'S INTERESTING TO BE ABLE TO BE FLEXIBLE WITH YOUR TIME AND REALIZE IF YOU GAVE YOURSELF AN HOUR TO DECLUTTER AND THE SOCKS ONLY TOOK 15 MINUTES, FIRST YOU WANNA, YOU WANNA DO A HAPPY DANCE AND, AND, YOU KNOW, GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK, BUT YOU ALSO SAY, OKAY, I'VE GOT 45 MINUTES THAT I STILL HAVE PLANNED TO DECLUTTER.
WHAT DO I THINK COULD TAKE, YOU KNOW, WHAT COULD I HANDLE IN 45 MINUTES? AND IT MIGHT BE YOUR UNMENTIONABLES DRAWER OR YOU KNOW, IT, IT MIGHT BE LOOKING IN A, IN A KITCHEN CABINET OR SOMETHING.
BUT JUST TO STAY ON TASK WITH THE TIME AND HAVE THAT TIME AWARENESS, UM, TO BE ABLE TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WILL HELP KEEP YOU, UM, KEEP YOU BETTER ON TASK.
CHILDREN WITH A DHD, IT'S MUCH MORE OBVIOUS WHEN THEY CAN'T FOCUS.
THEY'RE FIDGETY AND THEY CAN'T FOCUS IN ON THEIR HOMEWORK AND THEY'RE UP AND DOWN, OR THEY DON'T COME HOME WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO.
WHEN THEY'RE LATE FOR DINNER AND THEY'VE MISSED PRACTICE AND THEY FORGOT THEIR CLEATS, AND YOU HAVE TO RUN DOWN TO THE FIELD TO BRING THEM THEIR CLEATS.
ALL OF THAT IS THEIR LEVEL OF CHALLENGED EXECUTIVE FUNCTION, BECAUSE THEY CAN'T DO IT.
THEY'RE YOUNGER, THERE'S NO EXCUSE, WE'VE GOTTA WORK WITH THEM.
BUT WHEN WE GET TO OUR AGES, OFTENTIMES THERE'S NOT SOMEBODY STANDING OVER US SAYING, DO THIS, DO THAT, OR YOU DIDN'T DO THAT.
SO WE WANNA MOVE FORWARD WITH A DECLUTTERING PROCESS.
AND IF THERE'S ONE TAKEAWAY TODAY, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT FEELS COMFORTABLE FOR YOU.
YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP, AND IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE INVITING OTHERS OVER TO HELP YOU, MAKE SURE YOU COMMUNICATE YOUR RULES.
WHAT DO I MEAN BY RULES? HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING IN YOUR HOME? IF YOU DO TALK WITH A PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER? SOMETIMES THEY COME WITH A TEAM, TWO OR THREE OF THEM.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE STRANGERS IN THEIR HOME.
THEY WANNA BE ABLE TO BE THERE WITH THEM.
THEY DON'T WANNA HAVE TO WORRY THAT SOMEBODY'S GOING IN THEIR JEWELRY DRAWER OR LOOKING
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IN PLACES WHERE YOU'VE GOT, YOU KNOW, IMPORTANT INFORMATION.UM, ALSO, WE DON'T WANT SOMEBODY TAKING THE POWER AWAY FROM US AS TO WHAT IS, WHAT DEFINES SOMETHING THAT'S KEPT OR SAVED OR THROWN AWAY.
SO MANY TIMES WHEN I WORK WITH PEOPLE, PART OF THEIR RULES WILL BE, WE NEED TO BE SIDE BY SIDE.
WE NEED TO, I NEED TO BE ABLE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS.
YOU DON'T HAVE PERMISSION TO TOUCH SOMETHING UNTIL WE'VE, WE'VE, YOU KNOW, I'M COMFORT, I'M, I'M, YOU KNOW, COMFORTED THAT YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
AND THERE'S NOTHING THROWN AWAY UNTIL I DIRECT WHERE IT'S GOING.
IT MAY SEEM LABORIOUS AT FIRST, BUT IF YOU KEEP WORKING WITH THE SAME PERSON AND DEVELOP A LEVEL OF TRUST AND THEY UNDERSTAND YOU AND YOUR RULES, YOU START TO GET ON A ROLL AND YOU START TO BE ABLE TO PROCESS THROUGH MAYBE THE MAIL THAT THAT PILED UP OR THINGS THAT YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK WITH.
AND ALSO BEING VERY HONEST WITH SOMEBODY AND SAYING, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE SOME LOOSE MONEY AROUND BECAUSE WE, YOU KNOW, DURING THE PANDEMIC, WE SORT OF STASHED IT AWAY IN DIFFERENT THINGS.
SO THERE MIGHT BE ACTUALLY BE MONEY IN SOME MAGAZINES OR IN, IN SOME BOOKS.
SO PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AND MAKING DECISIONS, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DO THIS WITH A MAGAZINE OR DO THAT WITH A BOOK JUST TO MAKE SURE, BECAUSE WE ALL DO THINGS THAT WE FEEL WORK FOR US.
YOU ALSO NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIMEFRAME IN TURN YOUR ENERGY CAN DEAL WITH.
PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZERS USUALLY COME FOR A BLOCK OF TIME.
I, I CAME IN AND WORKED WITH A WOMAN AFTER SHE HAD HER SON GAVE HER A GIFT CERTIFICATE OF, UM, PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER WHO CAME IN FOR SEVEN HOURS.
NOW THIS WOMAN IS 75 YEARS OLD AND SHE HAS, UM, CHRONIC RESPIRATORY ISSUES AND SHE'S ON, UM, CONTINUOUS OXYGEN.
AND SHE'S ALSO QUITE WITH IT, QUITE DETERMINED, UH, A FORMER PHYSICIAN AND SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO, BUT SHE'S HAD NO ENERGY.
UM, AND THIS PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER CAME IN WITH HER OWN HELPFUL IDEAS OF WHAT SHE THOUGHT SHOULD BE DONE, AND SEVEN HOURS WAS WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS WOMAN.
SHE ACTUALLY FELT SICK AFTERWARDS JUST BECAUSE SEVEN HOURS WITHOUT REST WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER.
AND SHE ALSO SAID, YOU KNOW, THE WOMAN WASN'T LISTENING TO ME.
WE DIDN'T SET UP ANY, ANY, UM, CONTRACTS OR GOALS, AND NOW I'M TRYING TO FIND WHERE SHE PUT THINGS OR IF SHE THREW ANYTHING OUT.
AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE A NOT SO SATISFACTORY EXPERIENCE FOR HER.
SO IN TALKING WITH HER, I SAID, HOW COULD WE MAKE THIS A BETTER EXPERIENCE IN THE FUTURE IF YOU DO HAVE A PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER COME BACK? SO BEING ABLE TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, HOW MANY PEOPLE, WHAT KIND OF TIMEFRAME, AND THEN BEING ABLE TO SEE WHO FITS YOUR NEEDS AS OPPOSED TO WHAT THEIRS ARE.
BECAUSE AGAIN, IT IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.
UM, MAINTAINING CONTROL OF WHAT'S KEPT SAFE, DISCARDED, THAT'S ALL WITHIN YOUR PURVIEW.
UM, NO, YOU KNOW, EVEN DEFINING WHAT IS GARBAGE OR WHAT SHOULD BE TOSSED, IT'S VERY INDIVIDUAL.
I MEAN, I RUN INTO SOME PEOPLE WHO WILL SAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, I NEED TO HOLD ON TO ALL OF THOSE, UM, COOL PLASTIC CHINESE TAKEOUT CONTAINERS BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW.
I MIGHT HAVE PEOPLE OVER FOR THANKSGIVING AND THEY CAN ALL TAKE THE, YOU KNOW, TAKE IT AWAY WITH THAT, OR I CAN USE IT FOR DIFFERENT THINGS, OR I CAN, UM, RE I CAN REPURPOSE THEM FOR CAT DISHES OR, OR ANYTHING ELSE.
SO THERE'S A POINT WHERE MAYBE THOSE ARE VERY PERSONABLE TO ME AND I FIND THEM VERY FUNCTIONAL, BUT AT TIMES YOU'VE GOTTA BE ABLE TO SAY, WHAT SPACE ARE THEY TAKING IN MY LIFE, IN MY KITCHEN, AND HOW MUCH DO I NEED TO BE ABLE TO, TO FUNCTION IF I HELD ON TO PLASTIC TAKEOUT CONTAINERS WITH THE, THE THOUGHTS THAT MAYBE PEOPLE ARE GONNA NEED THEM IN THE FUTURE, WHAT AM I DOING TO MY LIFE? IT MIGHT BE EASIER JUST TO START ORDERING MORE CHINESE FOODS
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IN OCTOBER, YOU KNOW, IN, IN THE EVENT THAT YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE ARE GONNA COME OVER.SO, YOU KNOW, THE RE REALITY OF EVEN IF YOU FIND THAT YOU'VE GOT A, A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMETHING, IT MIGHT BE COULD SOMEBODY ELSE BENEFIT FROM IT AS WELL AND DONATE OR RECYCLE TO BE ABLE TO CLEAR, CLEAR THE CLUTTER.
UM, SO YOU DON'T WANT TO, UM, YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO STEAMROLL OVER YOU.
AND A GOOD CLUE IS IF YOU START TO GET ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED THAT THEY'RE NOT LISTENING TO YOU SPEAK UP, THEY MAY BE THE QUOTE UNQUOTE PROFESSIONAL, AND THEY MAY BE THE KNOW-IT-ALLS, BUT THEY MAY BE COMING FROM A SINGULAR PERSPECTIVE, NOT YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
YOU'RE BRINGING THEM IN TO HELP YOU NOT TO MAKE YOU FEEL ANXIOUS OR MORE, UM, MORE CLUTTERED BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SYSTEM THEY PUT IN.
OKAY? SO A LOT OF TIMES THERE'S WHAT'S CALLED DECISION TRIAGING, AND IT'S A STRATEGY TO ELIMINATE NON-CRITICAL DECISIONS, ALLOWING YOU TO CONSERVE YOUR ANGST AND YOUR MENTAL ENERGY FOR MORE CONSERV SIGNIFICANT CHOICES.
SO BY CREATING PREDETERMINED RULES OR CATEGORIES, YOU CAN REDUCE THIS COGNITIVE OVERLOAD.
AND PART OF THAT IS, FIRST OF ALL, UNDERSTANDING WHAT DIFFERENT ITEMS THAT YOU OWN MEAN TO YOU.
AND THAT'S WHEN WE START TO LOOK AT THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS WE HAVE, BECAUSE IF PEOPLE ARE DETACHED FROM THEIR ITEMS, THEN IT'S EASIER AND QUICKER TO SAY, YES, NO, DONATE WHATEVER, BECAUSE PART OF YOUR HEART OR PART OF YOUR MEMORIES AREN'T GONNA GO WITH IT.
BUT THE CATEGORIES THAT WE OFTEN LOOKED AT, SORT OF TRIP PEOPLE UP ARE, UM, EMOTIONALLY CHARGED CLUTTER OF IDENTITY ITEMS. AND THESE ARE THINGS LIKE, THINK OF THE GARDENING TOOLS YOU GOT THE YEAR YOU WERE GONNA START THAT VEGETABLE GARDEN, THAT EXERCISE BIKE THAT'S NOW A CLOTHES RACK IN YOUR BEDROOM, YOUR WEDDING DRESS.
THESE ARE IDENTITY ITEMS THAT REPRESENT PARTS OF YOUR LIFE OR THINGS THAT WE ASPIRE TO DO, LEAVING US WITH HALF FINISHED PROJECTS.
CLOSETS FULL OF CLOTHES OR STACKS OF TRAVEL MAGAZINES.
LETTING GO OF IDENTITY CLUTTER CAN OFTEN FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ADMITTING TO BE A FAILURE.
THOSE ITEMS ARE NOT PROOF THAT YOU FAILED.
THEY'RE PROOF THAT YOU WERE CURIOUS, HOPEFUL AND HUMAN, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO EVOLVE.
YOU MAY NOT NEED THOSE SKATES ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST NOT GONNA BE OUT THERE SKATING ON THE RINK, PARTICULARLY AFTER HAVING A KNEE REPLACEMENT.
SO YOU THINK OF THINGS AND THINK OF WHO YOU ARE AT THE TIME.
NOW THE NEXT CATEGORY ARE EMOTIONALLY CHARGED.
ITEMS THAT CARRY GRIEF AND GRIEF ITEMS MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE LETTING GO IS LOSING SOMEONE AGAIN, THAT FRAYED AFGHAN, THAT AUNT RUTH CROCHETED YOUR BABY BOY WHO'S NOW 40 YEARS OLD, THE KNAPSACK YOU CARRIED THROUGH EUROPE THE SUMMER OF AFTER COLLEGE.
THESE ITEMS MAY BE TIED TO SOMEONE OR A TIME LONG AGO THAT WE'VE LOST, UM, WHETHER A LOVED ONE OR A DIFFERENT VERSION OF OURSELVES.
WE KEEP THEM BECAUSE WE FEAR LETTING GO OF THESE THINGS MEAN LETTING GO OF THE, OF THE PERSON.
SO WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH, WITH WITH THESE IN A MINUTE.
THEN THERE'S GUILT ITEMS WHICH SHOW UP AS GIFTS YOU NEVER LIKED.
HAVE YOU EVER OPENED A GIFT AND, AND SMILED, UM, AT THE PERSON AND THANKED THEM AND SAID, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL.
UM, OR, UM, EXPENSIVE ITEMS THAT YOU REGRET BUYING OR THINGS THAT YOU FEEL YOU SHOULD USE, BUT YOU DON'T.
IT'S LIKE THERE'S A VOICE IN YOUR HEAD THAT SAID, I SPENT MONEY ON THIS, OR THEY'LL BE HURT IF THEY FIND I TOSSED IT OUT.
GIFTS ARE ACTS OF GENEROSITY, NOT OBLIGATIONS TO HOLD ON TO FOREVER.
IF SOMETHING MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT IT, IT'S NOT A GIFT ANYMORE.
THINK IF SOMEBODY ALWAYS GAVE YOU CLOWNS EVERY YEAR AND SUDDENLY YOUR HOUSE IS FULL OF CLOWNS.
I MEAN, ARE YOU GONNA KEEP THEM THERE IN CASE THEY COME VISIT YOU? MEANWHILE, YOU SHUDDER WHEN, OH, NOTHING AGAINST PEOPLE WHO LIKE FIGURES OF CLOWNS.
BUT IF THERE'S SOMETHING THAT REALLY IS NOT TO YOUR, YOUR PERSONAL LIKING, IT
[00:35:01]
REALLY IS HARD TO KEEP IT AROUND ALL THE TIME.AND THEN THERE'S ASPIRATIONAL GUILT ITEMS OF THE STUFF THAT WE KEEP FOR OUR FUTURE SELVES.
THE BOOKS WE PLAN ON READING, THE CLOTHING WE MAY WEAR ONCE WE GET OUR ACT TOGETHER, THE HOBBIES WE MAY TAKE UP, UM, OR THE COLLECTION OF HOW TO LEARN ITALIAN CDS THAT YOU, YOU NEVER LISTENED TO AND NOW DON'T HAVE ANY CD PLAYER ANYMORE, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD DREAMED AT ONE POINT OF MOVING TO VENICE.
SO THIS CATEGORY IS TOUGH BECAUSE IT'S WRAPPED UP IN HOPE AND SELF-JUDGMENT.
WE CONSTANTLY LIVE IN THE SHAME OF NOT YET, NOT YET SKINNY, NOT YET PRODUCTIVE, NOT YET WORTHY OF THE LIFE THAT WE IMAGINED.
YOUR WORTH IS NOT HIDING IN THOSE BOXES OR IN THE CRAMPED CLOSETS.
RECOGNIZING YOUR EMOTIONAL CLUTTER IS THE FIRST STEP TO LETTING GO WITHOUT FEELING LIKE YOU'VE LET YOURSELF DOWN OR FAILED AT SOMETHING IN ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS. SO NOW THAT I'VE GONE THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND YOU FEEL HOPELESS, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME TECHNIQUES FOR WHAT I CALL COMPASSIONATE DECLUTTERING.
SO THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED THE 30 DAY BOX.
AND THESE ARE FOR IF YOU'VE GOT ANY OF THOSE ISSUES WITH GRIEF OR GUILT OR IDENTITY ITEMS. SO SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TIME, AND THIS CERTAINLY CAME UP IN IN THE COMMENTS ABOUT SOMEBODY WHO'S BEEN THROUGH A RECENT LOSS AND DEALING WITH SOMEBODY WITH DEATH.
AND YOU'RE FACED WITH, WITH THE BELONGINGS OF THE PERSON YOU SPENT 40 YEARS WITH WHO'S SUDDENLY NOT THERE.
SOMETIMES IF THERE'S ITEMS THAT YOU'RE UNSURE ABOUT, YOU WANNA PLACE THEM IN A CLEARLY LABELED BOX AND PUT TODAY'S DATE ON IT, AND THEN LOOK ON THE CALENDAR AND PUT THE DATE 30 DAYS FROM NOW, AND THEN PUT THE BOX SOMEWHERE OUT OF SIGHT, BUT NOT BURIED WITHIN OTHER PILES.
SET AN ALARM ON YOUR PHONE OR WRITE IT ON THE CALENDAR, SOMETHING THAT'LL TRIGGER YOU TO REMIND YOURSELF.
AND THE 30TH DAY, SAY TO YOURSELF, DO I REMEMBER WHAT IS IN THAT BOX? AND MAYBE YOU DO AND MAYBE YOU DON'T.
BUT THE POINT IS, IS THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA REOPEN AND RESORT THROUGH THE BOX TO SHIFT AND REACTIVATE ALL THE GIFT AND ME THE GUILT AND THE MEMORIES.
SO IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT, YOU MIGHT BE READY TO LET IT GO.
SOMETIMES WHEN IT IS YOUR YOUR ITEMS, IT MIGHT BE EASIER THAN SOMEBODY THAT, THAT YOU'VE LOST.
BUT I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, I'M STILL GOING THROUGH LAYERS OF MY HUSBAND'S STUFF BECAUSE THERE HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT TIMES, DIFFERENT YEARS WHEN I FELT PREPARED TO LET A PIECE GO BECAUSE I REALIZE THAT THAT NO LONGER DEFINES HIM OR WHAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS.
BUT IT'S TOUGH, IT'S REALLY TOUGH.
SO IT, THIS TECHNIQUE HELPS TO BYPASS MAKING IMMEDIATE DECISIONS AND BY GIVING YOUR BRAIN A GENTLE PAUSE RATHER THAN THAT PRESSURE TO MAKE A HARD YES OR NO, AND REMOVING THE ITEMS FROM YOUR I MEDIAN ENVIRONMENT ALSO HELPS TO CALM DOWN ALL THE, THE EMOTIONAL ACTIVITY THAT'S GOING ON AND THE NOISE TO HELP YOU GAIN SOME CLARITY.
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO KEEP STALLING WITH DECISIONS.
AND IT'S NOT HELPFUL TO RESET THE 30 DAYS OR JUST RE OR IGNORE THE BOX.
SO WHEN YOU START TO DO SOMETHING, YOU DO WANNA TRY TO FOLLOW IT THROUGH.
UM, WE'VE ALSO EXPLORED THE EMOTIONAL CLUTTER MONSTERS.
UM, AND WHAT I'M GOING TO ALSO SAY IS THAT IN WORKING ON THINGS, THERE'S A SAYING THAT ONE OF MY CLIENTS SAID THAT STAYED WITH ME FOR YEARS, AND SHE SAID, INCH BY INCH, IT'S A CINCH BY THE YARD.
SO MAYBE THE SOCK DRAWER WAS A BIG ACHIEVEMENT FOR YOU.
YOU NEED TO TAKE LITTLE BITS AND PIECES.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAY, OKAY, TODAY, SATURDAY I'M GONNA CLEAN MY BEDROOM.
YOU NEED TO, YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR BEDROOM? YOU'VE GOT A BUREAU, YOU'VE GOT TWO CLOSETS, YOU'VE GOT A LINEN CLOSET, YOU'VE GOT SPACE, YOU'VE GOT STORAGE THINGS UNDER YOUR BED.
[00:40:01]
YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO BE FOCUSED ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SAY, WHAT DO I FEEL I CAN ACHIEVE WITH MY ENERGY AND, AND WHAT I, I WANT TO, TO DO.SO THE OTHER THING IS, IS WHEN WE ARE DEALING WITH, WITH THINGS, IT'S USING THE KEEP HONOR ARCHIVE LET GO METHOD.
AND THAT'S WHEN THE OTHER KEEP DONATE.
DISCARD CATEGORIES ARE JUST TOO RIGID FOR YOU.
SO WHAT YOU WANNA DO IS MAYBE GET SOME BOXES OR BINS OR LAUNDRY BASKETS.
I DON'T RECOMMEND GOING TO, UM, A STORE AND, AND LAYING OUT MONEY FOR, FOR, YOU KNOW, A HUNDRED DOLLARS WORTH OF PLASTIC STORAGE BINS.
YOU'RE SPENDING MONEY, YOU'RE ONLY BRINGING MORE STUFF INTO THE HOUSE.
TAKE A LOOK AROUND AND SEE WHAT YOU HAVE BEFORE YOU, YOU GO AND, AND YOU MAKE MORE PURCHASES.
SO YOU WANNA KEEP ITEMS YOU LOVE, YOU USE OR NEED RIGHT NOW, YOU WANNA HONOR SYMBOLIC ITEMS. YOU, YOU'LL DISPLAY OR STORE INTENTIONALLY, LIKE THINK OF A A FRAME WORTHY PHOTO OR A BELOVED LETTER.
YOU WANNA ARCHIVE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT, BUT NO, DON'T NEED TO BE IN DAILY RE ROTATION.
THESE THINGS GO INTO BOXES AND THIS IS WHERE SOMEBODY WHO CAN HELP YOU CONSIDER WHAT KIND OF ORGANIZATIONAL, UM, METHODS WOULD WORK FOR YOU.
BUT YOU KNOW, THINGS LIKE TAX, TAX RECORDS OR, UM, FAMILY, IMPORTANT FAMILY INFORMATION TO BE ABLE TO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN ACCESS IT.
BUT ALSO THAT IT'S NOT, NOT IMMEDIATELY ON TOP OF THINGS.
THE PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC DISORGANIZATION OR CLUTTER OR, YOU KNOW, GOING FORWARD INTO HAVING EXCESSIVE CLUTTER IS THAT PEOPLE ARE VERY VISUAL AND THEY NEED TO KNOW WHERE THINGS ARE.
AND SOMETIMES THE CHALLENGE IS, IS THAT IF IT'S OUT OF SIGHT, IT'S OUT OF MIND.
SO IF SOMETHING GOES IN A FILE CABINET DRAWER, YOU'RE JUST NOT GONNA REMEMBER WHICH FILE CABINET IT WAS IN, OR YOU FEEL ANXIOUS THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T SEE IT.
SO PEOPLE WITH CLUTTER WILL OFTEN DEVELOP IMPORTANT PILES.
YOU KNOW, THESE ARE IMPORTANT PAPERS, THIS IS IMPORTANT THINGS, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
AND THEN BECAUSE THE PILES ARE NOT ORGANIZED, THEY GET LAYERED LIKE AN ITALIAN SUB, YOU'VE GOT CHEESE AND BOLOGNA AND PROLOG AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN IN THE PILE, BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL IMPORTANT AND THEN IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT'S JUST A BIG PALE OF CLUTTER.
SO WHEN YOU NEED TO FIND THAT ONE IMPORTANT ITEM TO BE ABLE TO, TO GET YOUR TAXES PREPARED, YOU KNOW, WHERE'S THAT WATER BILL? YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS BECAUSE IT'S IN THE MOUND OF IMPORTANT THINGS.
AND THEN, THEN YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO HAVE A BOX TO THAT'S, THAT'S LETTING GO.
AND IT DOESN'T, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE AS DELIBERATE AS TO SAY, DONATE OR, OR WHATEVER.
YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO SAY, I'M READY TO HAVE THIS PASS ON.
AND THEN YOU CAN GO THROUGH THAT BOX AND SAY, OKAY, THIS, I CAN RECYCLE THIS.
I KNOW, YOU KNOW, MY COUSIN WOULD ENJOY, OR THIS I CAN DONATE TO GOODWILL.
SO THE IDEA, IF ANYBODY'S EVER HEARD OF MARIE KONDO WHO DOES THE JOY OF, WAS IT JOY OF DECLUTTERING, THE JOY OF CLEANING IS THAT SHE SAYS, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY, THANK IT FOR WHAT IT BROUGHT YOU AND THEN LET IT GO.
THAT WORKS IN CERTAIN CATEGORIES.
WHEN PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME LETTING GO OF SOMETHING, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, UM, EVERYTHING BRINGS SOME PEOPLE JOY AND WE GET NOWHERE BECAUSE EVERYTHING WE PICK UP JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY.
SO THEN FINALLY HAVING A MEMORY CAPSULE FOR IDENTIFYING GRIEF, UM, IT'S, IT'S FOR, IT'S LIKE A SHOEBOX WITH YOUR VERY, VERY MOST IMPORTANT ITEMS FOR MEMORIES.
YOU DON'T WANT SOMETHING THAT'S MUCH BIGGER THAN A SHOEBOX.
AND IF THERE'S THINGS THAT YOU WANNA ADD TO IT, YOU MAY NEED TO ALTER AND TAKE THINGS OUT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANNA EXPAND THE SIZE.
SO KEY THINGS TO, TO TAKE AWAY IS EXPLORING COMMUNITY RESOURCES FOR RECYCLING AND DONATIONS.
I DON'T KNOW SPECIFICS FOR HASTINGS, BUT WE LIVE IN AN INCREDIBLE COUNTY.
WESTCHESTER IN VALHALLA HAS A REMARKABLE RECYCLING REPURPOSING CENTER WHERE YOU CAN MAKE APPOINTMENTS
[00:45:01]
AND THEY'LL SHRED YOUR DOCUMENTS FOR FREE.YOU CAN DROP OFF, UM, YOU CAN DROP OFF MEDICAL WASTE, YOU CAN DROP OFF ELECTRICAL ITEMS THAT, THAT SHOULD BE, UM, PROCESSED, UM, SPECIFICALLY.
SO IT'S REALLY, REALLY AMAZING.
UM, LOOKING AT IF YOU DO WANNA WORK WITH SOMEBODY, WHAT LEVEL OF COMFORT DO YOU FEEL READY HAVING SOMEBODY COME IN? I MEAN, IT COULD BE A, A GOOD FRIEND, IT COULD BE A FAMILY MEMBER, BUT I USUALLY ADVISE NOT HAVING SOMEBODY WHO'S GONNA BE IMPATIENT AND SAY TO YOU, YOU KNOW, WE GOTTA MOVE ON THIS.
WE GOTTA MAKE A DECISION OR TRIES TO MAKE THE DECISIONS FOR YOU.
AND THEN TRACKING YOUR ENERGY, ARE YOU MORE PRODUCTIVE IN THE MORNING HOURS AND LESS SO IN THE AFTERNOON.
KNOWING WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ENERGY IS BETTER TO BE ABLE TO PLAN WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO WORK ON YOUR PROJECTS THAN USING MINDFULNESS TO REDUCE ANXIETY, LIKE DOING BREATHING METHODS OR MINDFUL OBSERVATIONS, BEING ABLE TO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THINK OF NATURE OR, UM, DOING PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATION, CREATING A VISION OF WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO IN YOUR SPACE ONCE IT'S DECLUTTERED AND YOU KNOW, WHO CAN YOU COME OVER AND WHO CAN YOU, CAN YOU STRETCH OUT AND WATCH TV ON YOUR ENTIRE COUCH.
UM, AND THEN DEVELOPING POSITIVE MANTRAS.
MY HOME IS A SANCTUARY OF PEACE AND CLARITY.
I'M CREATING A SPACE THAT REFLECTS THE CALM I DESIRE AND BEING ABLE TO EMPOWER YOURSELF TO BE ABLE TO DO THINGS AND GO FORTH AND DECLUTTER.
YOU CAN GO HOME NOW AND TOTALLY CLEAR YOUR SPACE, BUT JUST THINK ABOUT IT A LITTLE BIT AND THINK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND THINK ABOUT WHO YOU SHARE THE SPACE WITH.
YOU MAY HAVE DIFFERENT IDEAS AND VALUES AND GOALS, BUT IT'S IT'S KEY FOR, FOR PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO GET TO A POINT WHERE AT THE MINIMUM THE HOME IS SAFE AND FUNCTIONAL AND COMFORTABLE.
IT CAN BE VERY QUIRKY, IT CAN HAVE STILL HAVE A LOT OF THINGS.
UM, IT'S NOT LIKE MARTHA STEWART'S GONNA COME FOR TEA, BUT YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO BE SO THAT IT'S SAFE FOR EVERYBODY.
ANY QUESTIONS? SO I DO HAVE OVER ON THIS TABLE, MY CARD AND SOME MAGNETS AND I'M ALSO, I'VE BEEN ASKED BY SOME PEOPLE TO CONSIDER STARTING A CLUTTER COACHING PROGRAM, UM, ON ZOOM.
SO IF ANYBODY HAD ANY CURIOSITY OR INTEREST IN LEARNING ABOUT IT IN THE FUTURE, I MEAN IT WOULD, THERE WOULD BE SOME REGISTRATION FEE TO IT, BUT IF YOU WANNA LEARN ABOUT IT, JUST FEEL FREE TO PUT YOUR NAME IN YOUR EMAIL.
BUT OTHERWISE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR TIME AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF THE DAY.